Fear of Joy

This has been a real issue for me in the past. If it is too good to be true, it must not be true. whenever things started coming together, I became anxious and did not enjoy the good times because I was just waiting for "the other shoe to drop". In some ways I was more "ok" with things not going well than I was with good times. Why? Because I knew what was expected during tough times but unsure how to act in good times. After all, if I enjoyed life when it was good, wouldn't that just make life more difficult when things go bad? Not IF, but WHEN they turn bad. Who knows, this may have been so uncomfortable to me that I maybe even caused some of the difficult stuff myself by my fear of joy.
Occasionally, I still find myself feeling this, but it is very seldom and it doesnt last. In coming to know myself and my God, I am able to enjoy where I am each day and the joys and problems each day brings. Before, I did not truly live, just existed for the next round.
Guess what? I am no better person than I used to be. I screw up just as much as I used to. But I am accepting of myself and no longer use old "programs" to stifle myself. I am truly a new creature in Christ.

9/13/09

I am excited about tomorrow night. The small city of Belpre is having a community wide prayer for the city. We will start by walking the streets and then end up all together for a prayer service. This is not just one or two churches, it is all the churches in Belpre. Is that awesome or not? So I am not sure what the details are but I am excited to be part of this.
It will be a busy week, praying for Belpre Monday night, Small group with BJ's buddies on Tuesday and Wednesday HOPE group. I am blessed to able to be a part of these awesome opportunities. God is good! Looking forward to an awesome week and hoping that God is first in all of this.

Labor Day

Have you ever had so much to say you did not know where to start? Welcome to my life.
For starters, have you found yourself in a certain situation with the weather just so and at that moment in time, everything seemed perfect?
Well I went through Dairy Queen Drive thru and while taking my first taste of my fabulous Pecan Mudslide I fell in love. The car lot next to DQ has this awesome looking 09 Camaro. It is SS V8 and as I looked at it, the sun was shining just right and it gleamed and seemed to be calling my name, (alright, maybe it was me groaning). but in that moment, all was right with the world and life was beautiful.
That car was all I talked about for weeks with anyone. I tried to talk Brian out of his final year of college so that I could put a down pament on this beauty. Well I talked about it so much at work that my supervisor called the car lot and gave me the details. The price tag is merely $41,500.
Oh well, I love to dream. I believe that without dreaming, we do not achieve. We must picture what we want in detail and then go about the how to get there. Ok, I will not come up with a plan for buying the Camaro, but I have dreamed and achieved. A short while ago, I was unemployed, newly divorced and wondering what I would do with my life. I dreamed of college and helping others. No one would have put money on me at that point. Well, today I have a college degree and get paid to help people. How awesome is that? so remember to dream and dream big, with God, all things are possible. I have tried to convince myself that I could use the camaro for evangelism, but does not feel like good stewardship:)