Pinball thinking

You know how that ball bounces around a pinball machine? Well that is sorta how thoughts are bouncing around in my brain. Thought I would share..........
Beautiful snow..........pure, reflective, quiet
Death ......sure thing, final, sad
Change.......scary, thrilling, fulfilling
Small Group........comfortable, challenging, spiritual

Thankfulness II

When you try to arrange furniture in a room and there are too many pieces to work right, it means that I am blessed with more than I need. I hope that in the upcoming year I will learn to be a better steward and give to others more. I am sitting here right now looking at a beautiful Christmas tree in front of a fireplace and watching movies on my new flat screen and sipping ice tea. What a life! I am so blessed.
This morning I drove to Piketon to take Brian and Toby to meet their ride back to Harding. It seems like I just get used to having him around and he is gone again. Oh well, three more weeks of school and he will be back for Christmas break. Lisa is still visiting and I am enjoying spending some time with her. Life is good!

I am thankful for

warm comfortable home
lots of food
Lisa & Brian being home
My mom getting better
Griswold using litter box
sunshine
mincemeat pie
best sister in the world
best friend in world
Karen being safe
Dorian for loving Karen
Antonio :(
Cindy Lou
four day weekend
And as I think about all of these wonderful gifts I am reminded that my heavenly Father blessed me with them all. He is so good to me and I am so unthankful...........but at this moment I want to express my appreciation to a Father that fulfills my every need.................

I needed to laugh....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzMUxMp1ndk

Crazy week

Been a busy week. My Mom had a total knee replacement on Tuesday and part of Wednesday and Thursday I was manning a booth at a Senior Expo. Every extra minute I was at hospital with Mon, including spending the night one night and then to work. Well Friday I was in office all day and things were wild. Maybe it was my tiredness of the week but things were just hitting one after another and I wrote down all that was happening and emailed it to my home email. Below I will copy and paste word for word what I wrote.

inside my brain
one client missing, one threatened me and has requested another worker, one got someone to get her utility bills lowered but she insists she will not pay them, and another client's daughter called for the 82nd time to warn me that her brother is trying to arrange to have her mother brought home from nursing facility so he can have her money and still another is still in danger due to his caregiver's girlfriend who has beat him before and continues to sneak into the home but probation officer can't find her there. I found her last time hiding in the bathroom........even though her probation was to have not contact with my client. So that is the last 15 minutes of my life.

So now that you have had a glimpse into my brain you see why I struggle to remember which way I am headed some days....... And then I received email from one of the commissioners stating that there is a meeting Monday morning to choose insurance plans for the coming year. And it also stated which two plans they were considering. As president of the union at my agency I am rep for bargaining unit. Within thirty minutes everyone wanted copies of the the two options and a meeting to discuss. Maybe it was the week, maybe it was my realization that I have done what I was capable of for the union....but I left work on Friday I knew that I was resigning my office. I just want to use my time to help the most people possible and I do not feel that president of the union is the place for me right now. And I have an awesome vp that will take over so things will be fine......without me feeling guilty. So I feel good about the decision. I just have to tell everyone tomorrow.
But back to my mom; she is so awesome. She is one tough lady. The amount of pain I see her going through blows my mind. It would be so much easier for her to have not had surgery and been content to use wheelchair, etc. but she is focused on many more years of independent living. I hope I have half of her spunk when I am 83.
God has blessed me with so many things but I am thankful today for the small amount of insight that He has blessed me with. I go to see an endocrinologist this week, so pray that the dr. with have the wisdom to figure me out.

My Three Greatest Needs

One of the questions for small group tomorrow night is "What are your three greatest needs?"
Got me to thinking. My greatest need was easy to name, I need a closer, more intimate relationship with God. The second is I need to become a better steward of all that I am given and use what I have to bless others. I had to think a while to come up with the third of my greatest needs. I think it ends up being wisdom. I need wisdom to stay focused on chasing Him. I need wisdom to know the better ways to manage my resources.
Maybe I need the wisdom first. If I had the wisdom I would realize that "I" can't achieve any of this. I need to turn it over to God. I need to trust Him and quit believing that I can work harder, read more or do something. Bottom line is my only need is turn my entire live over to HIM

Picasa Web Albums - Anita - November 08

Picasa Web Albums - Anita - November 08

Good bye Summer

If the weatherman knows what he is talking about, this is our last 70 degree day. This has been an awesome summer. Visits from The Durbins, and Karen and Dorian were definitely high points. Brian was not "home" but nearby. I have enjoyed spending time with friends and making new ones. I am posting some of my favorite summer photos and feeling pretty thankful for all that my Heavenly Father has blessed me with.

Thoughts

I have kept my opinions to myself during the last year and a half leading up to the election. But these days, I am less interested in what others think and more concerned that I speak my heart. All I have heard lately is how we must vote our faith and values. Well I thought and prayed about the election and I voted for Obama and I feel that I did vote my faith and values. Christian values to me are more than abortion and gay marriage. They are about value in ALL human life. What about the people in Darfur and the innocent killed in wars? And also the really difficult one, what about death row? If human life is valuable then who are we to decide which lives are valuable? I think the moment I heard the interview that Rick Warren had with both candidates, Obama had me. When he talked frankly about his belief in Jesus and that his sins were covered by Jesus sacrifice I was intrigued. Values? My values are for the disenfranchised, the poor, the lonely the unloveables. And sorry I don't get scared at a redistribution of wealth. I am tired of seeing the poor get poorer. I am also tired of "fixes" like Medicare Part D which only give another hoop to jump through. This great program automatically signed seniors up for plans that would not cover the specific meds that they were on. I don't like labels like liberal, conservative, democrats, republicans. Too often I have found that we use labels to limit people and take their power away. I have been ashamed of emails that I have received concerning Obama such as his being a muslim, won't wear a flag pin, won't put his hand over heart during pledge of allegiance. I am never disappointed by someone with a differing opinion but I am disappointed when people use fear and hatred to get their way. So while I am cautiously optimistic for this president I realize that no one can change everything. This is a monumental moment for our country when you realize that history was made. For today I am glad the emails and commercials are over and we can all pray that God will lead our leaders and our country back to HIM. Born Hopeless, Lovingly redeemed, Chasing Him.

This is the day that the Lord has made...

Worship was awesome today. Preaching was on expressing gratitude and that is something that we all need to do. I am so thankful for so many things. Ron mentioned this morning making a list of blessings. I will use this blog to do so but remember that they are in no order other than how they pop into my head. They are also far from being all inclusive.
My church at belpre
Lisa, my princess
Karen, who inspires me
Brian, whose wit makes me laugh
Sue, the most wonderful sister in the world
Sharon, the friend who feels like family
a job where I get paid to help people
a car that runs (believe me there have been some that didn't)
Enough food to eat whatever I want, whenever I want (blessing & curse:)
a beautiful home
a yard that helps me think
Terri, a coworker that encourages me on
BJ's Buddies, small group that rocks
A funny MOther
One good dog and one demon dog
computer to talk to my children on
cell phone that works most of the time
a bed that is so comfortable
a passion for others
a relationship with the King
caffeine
a Christian country
socks to keep my toes warm
and I am forgiven of all the mistakes I make
Born hopeless, lovingly redeemed, chasing HIM

It is cold!

I am so glad I do not live in North Dakota, (sorry Amanda) The older I get the less I like the cold. Things have been interesting lately. I am having some issues with hormones not being what they should be. So I think, yea I am 52, it is probably menopause starting. no big deal. No, I could not have something like other people. God truly made me unique. The hormone that is elevated for me is one that is usually present in pregnant and nursing mothers. Yep, that is right. I never do anything correctly. Well my doc thought that maybe there would be a small tumor on pituitary gland that would account for the elevation. Nope, none there. So at this point I am to get an appointment with an endocrinologist and go from there. And the local endocrinologist isnt accepting patients. Besides the annoying aspects that no one wants to read on here (sore breasts, etc.) I seem to be experiencing depression also. This is a hard one for me. So that is why I am writing about it.
Some part of me is ashamed to admit that I have been on anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds for bunches of years. I finally accepted that this small amount keeps me moving and live is better. But now my doc has increased my meds twice. Yep twice. That is very, very difficult for me. My Doc tells me that this is just a chemical imbalance and it will probably pass. The hormones might be causing it or whatever causes the hormone imbalance might be messing with mood chemicals in brain.
But for now, right now, I feel like I should somehow be able to "suck it up" or be strong and tough it out. I know, I know, I tell all those I work with that this is nothing to be ashamed of but it doesnt feel like that way. So God is going to use this to help me help others. And I know 100% that it will be for good, but it is just a difficult place to be right now.
The good news is that the meds are working! I am not extremely emotional and wanting to cry constantly. Hopefully with the new increase I will have greater clarity of thought.
I needed to write this and to admit that I am powerless without God working in me, I only have hope in Him and God is good all the time. So for now, my six word testimony that Grubbs asked us to think about is:
Born Hopeless,
Lovingly redeemed,
Chasing Him.

A time of concern

Everywhere I go and everyone I talk to is talking about the uncertainty of the times. this is a time that both the well off and poor are concerned about their future. Everywhere I go, I hear that times are tough. I do ache for those that truly do without and do not know where they are going to come up with money for meds or food that is needed on their special diets. These people need all the help that we can give them. But most of us, and I include myself; are maybe eating out a little less and worrying as we watch the stock market plummet and our money on paper decreasing daily. I attended a college football game and it was filled with people who had spent a lot of money on tickets, tailgating, etc. Pass any restaurant and you still find people waiting to be seated. So while we might be affected by less in our portfolios when we retire, the really needy are "retired" but have no money to care for themselves. Political commercials right now make you want to not vote...........For tonight I pray that all of us will pray about our voting and pray for the ones who have so little around us.

Beautiful Day

God is blessing us with the painting of the trees right now.......they are just beginning to turn colors and the the leaves are falling. The sky was so blue today, it reminded me of Colorado sky. Autumn is an enjoyable time of year. God gives me so many gifts daily......God is good.

Thankfulness

Today, I am thankful for birds that sing, leaves that parade a cascade of colors for our delight. I am thankful that I have been blessed with awesome relationships, wonderful opportunities for worship and financial means to not to have to worry where my next meal comes from. I am thankful for having the three most awesome children that any one person could have. They have the ability to change the world and are doing so daily. I am one of those truly fortunate persons who gets paid to help other people. I am truly blessed in every way.
I have a sister and a dear friend who affirmed me and supported me when I could not believe in myself. Without their support I would not be who and what I am. But who am I truly thankful to? My wonderful heavenly father who gave me everyone of the things I mentioned above. For tonight I am thankful..............

Sunday

What an exciting weekend, full of emotions and hope and concern and fear. I spent an exciting day yesterday at Women of Purpose and was so blessed. But soon after I got there I got a call from my sister that the squad had taken Mom to the ER. She had "popped" her knee and couldn't walk. I left for the ER praying for her and for me, to be what she needed me to be. The xrays showed no break so she was referred to call an orthopedic doctor on Monday and schedule a MRI to further check on what happened. She was fitted with a knee brace to keep her right knee straight and given some pain pills. She was also told her her knees were worn out and would probably need a total knee replacement. My sister took Mom home and I went back to Women of Purpose. I was blessed by being there and the angels in heaven surely can't outsing Sara Jane! After WoP, stopped and picked up pizza as we were having a couple friends over later. Ginger and Rose came and visited and I laughed and laughed at the stories they told. They are two special ladies that are truly blessing my life. After they left, I went to my Mom's to spend the night. We had quite a time. My sister and I tried to set up the potty chair for Mom to use during the night so she would not have to get up and try to get to bathroom. Well, my sister found the liner for the chair but it did not have a bottom to it. She almost didn't notice. So we set about trying to find a container to sit inside of the chair to no avail. Finally, as a joint effort we figured out that this insert was to be used when you sit the chair over the commode. Mom remembered through her tears of laughter that the other container was stored under the other bathroom sink. So by then we sat up the potty chair thinking we had outsmarted it, but no it was not over. We had the chair set up high so Mom could use it. well, by the time she climbed onto it, she looked like little Edith Ann who used to be on Laugh-In. her feet a good 4-5 inches off the floor. So we fixed it and got it positioned by Mom's bed. My sister left and I though I had the easy part, just going to bed and getting up during the night with Mom. Well, my sister hadn't been gone more than ten minutes when Mom decided she was ready for bed. Well somehow as she tried to lift herself out of the chair with one foot and her arms and me trying to help her to a walker,; yep, she almost slid to the floor. The giggles returned and I thought I would have to run for the potty chair. Mom finally made it to bed and she took the brace off. She only got up once during the night and it went well. this morning I woke early and lay there waiting to hear her moving. A couple times I got up and went in to look at her and she was asleep. Finally I popped around the door to her room and she scared me by talking before I realized she was awake. She told me that after she used the bathroom during the night, she thought she might need a pain pill but she heard me snoring and decided not to wake me up. (Am I a good nurse or what?) She said it was a soft snoring, but she had her hearing aide out and was in another room! We barely got up and dressed this am before my sister came so I could go to church. Sharon came by to get me for church and Mom tried to tell her about all the activities and could not for laughing till she cried. Sharon just sort of smiled with a concerned look. Church was good and we came home for dinner and had tilapia but it just doesn't taste as well as when Dorian fixed it. I am going to get myself together and go back to Mom's and hopefully try to behave this time. I will spend the night there again and hopefully we can get an orthopedic dr. to see her tomorrow. Her knee was better this am but we will see....Pray that Mom will receive the wisest medical care and pray that those around her will serve her with skill not just good intentions (mostly me)

September 29th

Is not a happy date for me..........My grandmother passed away on this day in 1979 and then my children's grandmother passed away on this day in 1984.
Sort of in a funk these days trying to find myself and figure out who I am and where I am going. I am hoping it is the start of menopause and not sheer lunacy. but it is always clear to me how blessed I am by being redeemed by grace and blessed by so many wonderful people in my life. Today was the last day of work for my sister. She is completely retired now. I am so happy for her. She has been such an important person in my life. During all the hard times in my life, she was there cheering me on.
I did a stupid thing today..I joined facebook. Karen talked me into it by saying I could talk to her and my other children easier there.........This brain is getting too old to learn something new.......but Hey I talked to all three of my darlings on there. So as I think of another busy week at work I wanted to post a pic from when we were in Tennessee a few weeks back. Have a good week and know that God is good, all the time.

Old Times

Today, an old friend preached at church. It was good to see Teddy and I realized how much I miss him. He talked a lot about old times and his "growing up" in the Belpre church. He had pictures and one was of bible bowl team that had Lisa, Karen and Amanda all in it. He told of how this group would come to their home for practice and move everything around and eat everything they had. Surely it wasn't my children:) Teddy is doing a lot for unity in the Mid Ohio Valley. Teddy has always been a special person to me. When I had nothing we brought me Christmas gifts. He would call and see if Brian had money to go to church camp and many other things. We had different opinions on a lot of things but I never doubted Teddy's love for me and my family or to God. It was good seeing him and Cheryl again.
Our Monday night group is difficult. I am having a hard time answering all the questions posed by the book. Tomorrow we will discuss "Dreamsicles" - our frozen dreams and "Kick Start" - acting on our dreams. At one point I thought I knew exactly what I was supposed to do with my life. Now I am no longer certain. What is my dream? not sure. The only answer that I know for sure is that I am here to help hurting people. when you can help wounded people heal they can then connect with God and move on. I know I need to make better use of my gift and resources and I pray that this will become more clear to me. I am posting a pic of my children and my Mom, of whom I am so extraordinarily proud.

Life is Crazy

I keep thinking that life and work is crazy and I can not do all I need to do and then it hits me, duh! I never could I just though I could. It has always been God. I do not do a very good job of depending on my heavenly Father. I read His word today at lunch to try to focus on depending on Him. I know He is in control but I don't always act like it. but I am growing and learning and hopefully I will get it before long. Work was crazy and I became very angry at the inability of some of our "systems" to protect our weakest. I hope I always get upset at injustice but pray that I learn to work towards solutions.
The current political campaigns anger me in that lies and innuendo carry more weight than issues and truth. words are cheap and anybody can say anything. But who is going to stand up for those who have no one to fight for them? Who is going to make sure that our elderly are valued and money to insure their safety? Political party doesn't matter to me, what matters to me is the truth and integrity in which they have lived their lives. Sorry that I am on a soap box today. I ended my day giving a statement to police that caused them to charge a 10 year old girl with domestic violence. Pray for this girl and her family. Pray for me that I will continue to look to my Heavenly Father, from where all good comes..........

pic of Dorian

I could not get a pic of Dorian to load before , I will retry..........

My baby turns 21!

Yep, I can hardly believe that Brian is twenty one today. Seems like only a couple years ago that his sisters would dress him up and play with him. They loved having a little brother. Well he may be younger than them, but he is all grown up and towers over them now. Brian I miss you and I want to wish you a very happy birthday. I remember the times we would watch TV and we sat in the recliner together. Remember Monster House? No we couldn't share a chair then but that was not your fault. As I fondly thought of you all day, these thoughts kept roaming around in my brain:
cheesecake, snickerdoodles and spaghetti; smelly shoes, duct tape shoes and shoes under the covers; basketball, tee ball and neighborhood ball; loud bass announcing your arrival home at night and then you sitting on my bed and talking about your day. I want you to know how proud I am of you. You are an awesome guy and I can't wait to see what you do with your many gifts. God has blessed you with intelligence, gentleness, and humor and He has blessed me with you!
And this September 9th, I have a new son; Dorian. It seems only fitting that both my sons would share a birthday. I believe Dorian is 25 today. Dorian loves God and loves my daughter, what more could I want? He is giving to a fault and has an awesome sense of humor. Dorian smiles and his eyes twinkles. I am so blessed that God has seen fit to bring Dorian into my life, he is truly a gift from God. I think of Dorian and I am reminded of limes, refried beans peppers; Scrabble, Risk and dominos; preaching, studying and teaching.
Today I am blessed, I have two totally awesome men in my life and because of both Brian and Dorian, my life is a better place.

Home Sweet Home

'We made it to Lisa's yesterday evening and helped her get her new bed to her apartment, up the stairs and assembled. We had to open the bed and carry it up in pieces as it was so heavy. It really looks good now and it is the least that we could do since she kept Griswald for us. He was happy to see us, much more than we were to see him. But I think Lisa was happiest of all :) We visited Jason on the way home from Columbus and Kyle is really getting tall. He has the most innocent little smile. When we got here, we carried in stuff today for a while. I guess choices have consequences and we should not have shopped so much. Sat down and watched the Ohio State-Ohio University game and even though OU lost they were so awesome. then WVU lost to a lesser team. Who would have thought that Ohio U would be the bright spot today.
Talked to Karen online and she is good. Talked to Brian and Lisa on phone and they are good. Tonight I am glad to be home and thankful that home feels so good. Vacation was good, but home is better, even if it is with Griswald:)

Heading North

We decided to head towards home, or at least Griswald today. Will leave in a little while and head towards Columbus and Lisa's. It is another beautiful day here, it has reached 90 everyday. By leaving today we will try to stay out of the way of the rain to come. I have ate everything and anything and have probably gained bunches. I will need to tie myself to my gazelle exerciser when I get home. As I finish this vacation, I am thankful. Thankful for a job that allows me ample vacation time. I am thankful to my heavenly Father who has given us such a beautiful world that I barely take the time to look at normally. I am thankful for friends to spend time with and new ones that are gained. God is good!

Another Day in Tennessee

Didn't get to sleep in this morning, things to do being the last day here. We were in Gatlinburg at the Aquarium when it opened at 9am. It was beautiful and again was reminded at how much thought was put into each creature of the sea. Did you know there is a sea dragon? I didn't. It is similar to sea horse but it does look like a dragon. I had a hard time figuring out how to set the camera to take good pics through the glass in the dark but I ended up with some good ones but had to delete some too. I will post some pics of the aquarium. After the aquarium, we walked around Gatlinburg and I stopped at Ben & Jerry's and had a mid morning Ben & Jerry's banana split. Did a little more shopping and found some more special Christmas gifts. It was a day of pleasures, stopped by the creek and read USA Today completely while listening the water rushing over the rocks. Then we went to a new show called Miracle. It was simply the most awesome production that I have ever done. Besides the subject matter, which ran from the creation of the world to Jesus resurrection; the music, acting and special effects were outstanding! Then we went next door to Tony Romas for something to eat and all I could think of was the only other time I have eaten at Tony Romas's was in Honduras. Found myself missing Karen & Dorian big time.
After being totally full we returned to motel for some rest and relaxation. Having a quiet evening reading, snacking and relaxing. Tomorrow morning, will probably head to Cherokee, NC and then decide where to go after that.

Shop, Shop, Stampede

Well I have had my fill of shopping. Everywhere I looked I saw another store. Three Dress Barn stores later and a zillion other stores, including Old Time Pottery and I was exhausted. So we headed to to Dixie Stampede. Not sure what I expected, but it was different than I expected. It was good though and a lot of very talented people work there. Oh and I forgot, we found a Christian Bookstore Outlet:) It was just an awesome day. There is a car show here this weekend and there are more oldies on the street daily. I saw an awesome 69 red Firebird today that I would love to have. Also visited a pottery place where they actually "throw" the pottery there. There was a huge quilt store with low prices and you could even see some sewers working at machines. But most every quilt I looked at, had a made in China tag. Some of the motels have on their signs; " American owned" And the Stampede ended with a rousing patriotic finish. We can be moved by witnessing an intense patriotic song but when was the last time I was "moved" when I thought of my citzenship with God? Do we proudly announce, "made by God" ? I just found myself thinking about this as there seems to be a real sense of American pride but where is my Christian pride? Food for thought..............................

The Smokies

We headed into the Smokies today and I am now worn out. We went through Sevierville, Pigeon Forge, and Gatlinburg and then the Smoky Mtn National Park and Cades Cove. Yes Karen, Sharon saw several deer but even that was not enough for today and she wanted to see bears! Personally, I was praying that we did NOT see bears. I found the most perfect store ever today. Russell Stover outlet store. What can I say but WOW! And I saw an ad for a shop that has dolls and dogs clothes...Since Griswald said hi I might have to get him an outift. It is beautiful here but too many people. The river with rocks was so soothing. I could sit on a rock in the river for hours. Tomorrow evening we have tickets for Dixie Stampede. Not sure what to expect but I am sure it will be fun.
As I appreciated the wonderful views, I was so impressed by all that our Father had created for our enjoyment. From the wildflowers, to wild life and the majestic mountains it was impossible to not see God everywhere. I am so blessed to be on this vacation and have the opportunity to appreciate the many blessings around me. God has showered me with so many beautiful things, but I often fail to appreciate them or sometimes even see them.

Tommorrow Outlet malls here I come, it should be an interesting day. I will post a few pics from today.

Oak Ridge Tennessee

We made it to Oak Ridge yesterday evening and are spending tonight and tomorrow night here. It is a sprawling city made infamous during the cold war. We made it into Oak Ridge just in time for Sonic's happy hour so life is good. Sharon's friend Beth is a sweetheart and has an awesome sense of humor. I have sat out on the upstairs porch reading for the last hour. Acutally reading for fun. I finally got too warm and came inside to blog. Who knows I might just take a nap.
This Labor Day I am thankful for those who have fought for fair wages and working conditions so that Americans can earn a living and not endanger themselves. Growing up I thought unions were the guys that made employers pay people $30 an hour to sit around. I have now found myself being president of local 772 AFSCME and serve proudly. The best world is where unions are not needed but without the threat of unions and collective bargaining, I have to wonder how many would still treat workers fairly. So for my brother and sister unionizers of the past, I thank you for your sacrifices and hard work.
Labor Day always marks the end of summer, kinda sad.....and I find myself wondering where the summer went. Well my summer consisted of The Durbins coming home from ND and then Karen and Dorian home from Honduras and then spending time with Brian and Lisa before Brian went back to Harding. I enjoyed the many games we played and the time spent with those I love. I look ahead anxious to visit Honduras again and see Cindy, who is growing and maturing. This child has no much potential. I miss Antonio who truly feels like my grandson. and I miss the sweet face of Dilcia who has such a heart of gold. I do not know how she does what she does and still smiles all the time. I hope I will not be visiting ND in winter again. Amanda Sue has to learn to have her babies in warmer weather! I hope to use this end of summer, beginning of fall to truly live as if I were dying, because I am, we all are, we just don't know when. So, Happy Labor Day, enjoy your celebrations and family and remember to not put off until "someday" what needs done today.

Day one of vacation

We left home yesterday evening and met Lisa outside of Huntington WV to give her Griswald. I hope he behaves for her. He is a high maintenance dog for sure. After passing off Grisswald, we journed on to Grayson Ky. I was trying to be spontaneous and did not reserve a room for last night. After two motels and no rooms, I was beginning to think we would have to sleep in car at a rest stop. But the third motel had a room, so life is good. I did not sleep real well last night, maybe I should not have eaten supper right before bed:(. Ready to get moving today as we are headed to Oak Ridge Tennessee to visit a friend of Sharon's. I am so looking forward to a time of renewing, physically, mentally and spiritually. In other words I want to be lazy. A dream last night I think accounte for some lost sleep. I was stuck in an airport and could not get out. Why are dreams so strange? Maybe they just follow my erratic thoughts. As I begin this day, I thank by Father for a job that allows for vacation, and a beautiful world He created for me to explore. I will be praying today for my children, especially Dorian with his health concerns and Brian as he begins another year at Harding. Lisa probably needs extra prayers since she has Griswald and Karen, I was stuck at the airport trying to get to you, and gma was with me! I will also be praying for the people on the Gulf Coast that they will find safety. I can't help but worry about the elderly and disabled who may have difficulty evacuating. Well I need to get dressed and get this adventure started.

Life is short

Dying is a sure thing, but why do we, especially me not live like that? Why do I pretend that I have forever to do and be, while each day is precious. What prevents me from living fully each day? I am trying to look at each moment differently and appreciate it for what it is and not what comes next or what happened last week. why is it that when I finally get around to doing things differently, life seems harder? Work is crazy. Before it was tough and busy but it has got worse this week and now I just sorta feel like there is no way to succeed. I know that this will pass but right now, this is where I find myself while I am trying to live more fully:)
If I live like I am dying, then I will tell my children how much I admire them.
Lisa, your independence and tenacity is an inspiration to me. Karen, your energy makes me tired to think about and Brian, your ability to focus on what you want is phenomenal. And Dorian, your ability to adapt and find joy everywhere is such a gift. I love you all beyond any words I can write. Pray that I can learn to live each day, fully and completely.

The Dash

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPyu4M2di8U

This is awesome!

One Month to LIve

If I had one month to live, what five things would I change? I would certainly spend every moment I could with my loved ones and spend lots of time praising and praying to my awesome God! I would spend what little money I have on everyone around me. I dream about winning the lottery(even though I don't play it) and all the fun I could have giving to others and buying things for others. But what prevents me from doing this now with what I do have? I don't have to have a million dollars to help others....As I begin this study on the book One Month to Live I am being challenged to live my life in the moment. Not in the past and not in the future but now. I hope to write my thoughts in this blog as I begin this journey. Our small group is taking two chapters or days a week so we will finish our "One Month" in fifteen weeks...or around the first of December. The questions that are already arising for me are many. I hope at the conclusion of this study I have a more vibrant, passionate love demonstrated daily., So for all of you that I don't tell you how much I appreciate and love you, I plan to change this and speak my heart..........Pray for me as I begin this journey..........

I'm Back

Summer has been fast and furious but very good. I feel blessed by getting to spend some quality time with those I love dearly. Amanda and her family visited in June and the day before they left to go home, Karen and Dorian arrived for a month. Lisa and Brian came in every weekend and we played lots of games. Dorian in his first visit to US beat Karen and me at Scrabble. It was rather embarrassing! My small group is getting ready to start a study of the book One Month to live. This study is both exciting and scary for me...I have missed blogging so I will try to keep up and let the thoughts that ramble through my mind find the light of day here. Writing on here helps me to process things. I will post some pics of the summer..............

Joy

Does joy come from within or outside? Are you filled with joy because of what you have or what you are? Is joy the same as happiness?

My Crazy Life

Life is crazy right now but God is control. Thinking about love. Is love an action, an emotion or thought? Can you "love" someone without being with them? I mean can you love someone you read about or do you need to have contact and interaction? When do you feel love?
If God is love why do a lot of Christians seem to be lacking in love? And to be precise, why do I profess to love God but love only at times, in some situations with some people?
Tonight I ask that my heavenly Father surround me with wisdom and insight to love and assist those that I come in contact with daily and I don't mean Griswald, although I do need to love him better or at least, less sporadically.

Tonight

I am sad. I feel like I have lost part of my family. The five brothers at Casa were taken home by their mother and father today. While I know families need to be together..........For me this means no more watching yovanni lining up his toys and keeping them just so so. No more Marvin in my face yelling at the top of his lungs and sticking his tongue out.......No more sitting in the hallway with Mario trying to calm him down after an outburst of rage and no more seeing Mr Cutie; Francisco flash those beautiful dimples. But what I will miss most of all is no more times will I answer the phone and hear those sweet words, "Hola grandma 'nita" He wont be calling me to tell me how cute he is now that he has his hair cut or reminding me to bring candy the next time I come to visit. I can not even imagine how difficult today was for Karen, Jen and Ashley. And the boys, what are they to think? Antonio knows his mother as someone he sees once a month. I am trying not to be selfish but it is hard.
I pray dear Father that the lessons that these sweet boys learned at Casa stay with them. The morning devotionals, the prayers and the "I love you's" I pray that they never forget these. I pray that their parents realize what treasures they have in their family and treat them with kindness and gentleness. I pray that sometime in the future when Antonio hears a plane and looks up and says Grandma 'nita that he smiles because this heart is smiling through the tears and thanking God for letting me see the beauty of these five boys.

A Senior Moment

I have been behind at work and this morning as I was getting ready I figured that I would be in the office getting paper work caught up so I wore jeans, crocs and big comfy shirt. Well when I arrived at work, I looked by my calendar and saw that I was supposed to give an inservice at a local home nursing and hospice at 8:30am. To say that I was not dressed appropriately, is to put it mildly. So after admitting my mistake to my supervisor and kicking myself a dozen times I called the agency to let them know that I would like to reschedule. They told me that they too were thinking about rescheduling their meeting but since I was scheduled they didn't. Well I am going to try to go tomorrow morning . I was shocked that I could forget something so important, but you know I mess up a lot. A verse in Romans 5 in The Message sums it up. It says that if I work hard and get paid I earn my wages, but if I work but know that I can not do my job no matter how long or how hard I work without God then my pay is a gift. That is me. I could not do my job without God's constant assistance. Pray that I will remember to dress for my meeting tomorrow morning and that God will continue to put words of wisdom in me when I let Him have control of my life. And come payday I will receive another gift.

Love

"I have found

the paradox

that if I love until it hurts,

then there is no hurt,

but only more love."

Mother Teresa

Memorial Day

It is a holiday that invokes images of "taps" being played at a graveside ceremony. Somewhat sad feelings. I am not one to spend time at graveyards but I do spend a lot of time thinking of those loved ones who are gone. First of all I think of the kids maternal grandmother; Hattie Marie. She was a very great lady. I never heard her say anything negative about anyone, ever. How many people can you say that about? She was a perfect grandmother and indulged Lisa with anything and everything but mostly her time. She liked to buy matching outfits for Lisa and Karen. I remember when it was certain that she was not going to survive her battle with cancer she only stated that she was sorry that she would not be able to see her grandchildren grow up. she passed away on September 29th but on Lisa's first day of kindergarten, the first of September, even though she was barely able to talk, she called to see how Lisa's first day had gone. When I see Lisa being creative, sewing or baking I think she got some of this from her grandma Vaughan and the rest from my sister. She was not only a mother in law but a best friend.
It is still hard to talk about my Dad. It seems like only yesterday that he would bring me home a jelly sandwich in his lunchbox. I didn't even like jelly sandwiches but after he carried it around all day, it was delicious. It seems like most of my childhood I remember waiting for Dad to come home from work, and wanting to carry in his lunchbox. I miss him so much but know he would not have wanted to hang around with his health failing. Dad told us that he wished he had a role model as a father. His father died when he was 8 months old. But Dad was always gentle, never loud or mouthy and he too never had much bad to say about anyone. He was a survivor and touch. One of my proudest moments was when he got his GED. He only had an eighth grad education but he was wise. Another proud moments was when he quit smoking. What a strong man. The pain is still right up front and singing to him as he was unhooked from the ventilator and feeling him leave us. Today I honor these kind mentors that have gone on before me, teaching me so much. Thank you God for these gifts...........

today

as I sit and rest this evening I have watched our baby birds. You see a robin built a nest in a bathroom window. We worried about her intellect in building a nest so close to where three cats lounge. It has been fun and exciting to see the four eggs and then four little ones. Each day they seem to double in size. It appears that both the father and mother feed them. At least there is more than one robin helping with them. She will bring them worms and as soon as they hear her approaching, they perk up with beaks pointing upwards to be fed. They are getting quite large by now and I wonder how they still fit in the small nest. As I am sitting on porch I have realized that the two of our cats, Gizzie and Patrick Squishy (yes he has a middle name) have realized that they are in the window. They keep trying to sit underneath the nest hoping one will fall out. I have scolded them and ran them off so many times but they are intent on their prey. The mother will not fly down from the tree with worms as long as the cats are nearby. But the babies hear their mother and start bobbling when she is in tree waiting to feed them. I am so afraid that they will fall out of nest trying to get to the their mother. I want to put up some sort of netting or something to catch them when they start to learn to fly....:) I know that my cats will get them the first time they fail and hit the ground. I remember last spring, chasing the cats away from babys, hopping across the lawn.
But I have watched these be hatched from eggs and grow daily. I haven't named them but I would know if one was missing. I know that there is little chance of them surving. I see the danger before them and want to tell them not to fall, or somehow warn them. As I was sitting here wandering how I can prevent the inevitable, it hit me.
How many times has my heavenly Father sat by watching me ready to enter danger and wanting to put up a safety net for me? Instead he lets nature take its course and trusts that I will learn from failings. It is anxious for me to watch these birdies get ready to leave the nest and face certain death and I wonder how often I do the same thing with my Father and cause him grief because I have not made smart decisions?

A thought

In the paraphrase "The Message" I read this morning that if I get paid for what work I do then I am paid wages but if the work is such that I can not complete it on my own then what I am paid is a gift. Well I am definitely receiving "gifts" every other Friday. There is no way that I could do my job on my own with my abilities and skills. God gives me courage daily to go into difficult situations and He also gives me compassion and gentleness with people that I want to hurt. Some days I am more receptive to His help than others and there are some days that I rely only on my "skills" and I fail miserably.
I am excited that Monday night Life Group is still growing and we are growing closer to God and to each other. HOPE group on Tuesdays reminds me of how God can heal emotional wounds, wound of a person's soul that was caused by persons who should have loved not hurt.
Daily I am reminded of the love that our heavenly Father shows us and that same love, I struggle with daily to pass on. For tonight I am so thankful that God forgives me daily for my shortcomings and accepts me where I am but calls me to walk more fully in the light.

BJ's Buddies

40 days of Community campaign has ended but bj's buddies is just getting started. Tonight we discussed World Bible School and decided to go back to our study of fruit of the spirit. We had two new ladies and they both blessed the group. Leslie was there to talk to us about WBS and Beth was able to come for the first time. WE are in the planning stages of sprucing up the church's bathrooms and adding an elevated seat in all bathrooms and rail for handicapped or aged. It is so clear that we are the body when I look at our group. I think I am just a "knuckle" or "heel" but when I am part of this awesome group and we become the body it is so magnificent! I no longer feel like an appendage but part of something real, something that can accomplish anything. I do not want to be an impediment to the body but the best knuckle there is. tonight we had a lot of prayer requests and and there were hurts and concerns but even with all of that. we are so blessed. God has given us so much that I am spoiled and do not appreciate all that I have. This is the beginning of something big and that big is GOD!

Dear Father

Today I give you praise for being my lord and savior. I am so blessed and grateful that your son was sacrificed for MY sins. I am so unworthy and continue to be selfish and slow to help others. But you father are the light in my life. I cry out to you to bring your light deeper into my life until all darkness is banished. I want you and your son to fill every part of my life until there is no "me". I am so honored to be your child. A daughter of the King. As I am getting ready to start a new week, I ask that you be with me each moment of each day. Help me to notice all the opportunities you place in front of me. Help me to make the decisions that will lead me on your path. Help me to flee from darkness and laziness. Give me the strength to do minister to all your children not just the ones I like.
I lift up to my precious children; Lisa, Karen, Dorian and Brian. Surround Lisa with those who will adore her and help her to grow strong is you. Be with Brian as he has started a new job and lead him to co workers that will lift him and you up. Be with Dorian and Karen as they minister in Honduras. I ask for special blessings on them as they serve Casa and Santa Ana for you. Tonight I lift you up and praise you. You are holy and I beseech you to use me dear Father for your kingdom.

40 days of community

is over but I think this is just the beginning. It has been an interesting 40 days. An exciting 40 days, and a sometimes scary 40 days. During this 40 days I for the first time have actually prayed for God to use me and fully and truthfully mean it. Before I wanted used only in certain ways and at certain times. This group of ladies in BJ's Buddies is quite an awesome group. I have developed some really neat relationships with these ladies and look forward to sharing this journey with them.
Tomorrow is Praisefest where the entire area of every denomination gather for an evening of praise. I am looking forward to this as it is always an awesome experience.
It has been a difficult week in some ways, lots of good stuff but also dealing with some people who are just being nasty. I was able to just shrug it off and even pray for them. After all being that unhappy can not be too pleasant for them. My baby, Brian was told today that he has a job in Columbus and headed up to Lisa's tonight as he has orientation all day tomorrow. I pray that people at this job will assist him on his spiritual journey. Lisa is excited about him staying with her but I figure for them to not get on each other's nerves, Brian will need to work a few evenings. :)
Karen called me today because Antonio wanted to call me. He was telling me about his new haircut. His voice saying "Grandma Anita" just makes me smile all over. I am so blessed.
I am reading "Searching for God knows what" Just getting started but it a great book.

Pics of Honduras

Tonight I am posting pics of Honduras. this a land that has engaged my heart. They do so much with so little that it makes me ashamed to complain about anything. Tonight I lift up to my Father; Honduras a country of deep faith..............

Prayer

My devo journal for tonight mentioned a sobering thought. It smacked me right in the face once again. It mentioned that Prayer in church worship is often like the national anthem in a ball game. You wouldn't think of starting without it but it has little to do with what happens afterwards. As group facilitators we are asked to come up with a goal for our life group. Tossing around some ideas and I am looking at developing an intimacy with God and each other. After reading today's devo journal, I an thinking maybe to focus on prayer. Simply put, when you pray with and for people you develop intimacy. And you become real with each other. I will pray on this but think this is maybe our goal. Develop intimacy through prayer.
I think work today was just enough to realize how far behind I am without getting to get any of it caught up. But it will work out and I have two more days this week to get caught up some. We are getting ready for negotiations at work and that will require some time and thought from me. So for now I have Monday night life group, Tuesday night HOPE group (every other week) and now pre-negotiation meetings. But you know what? It is all good. Each one of these is a chance for me to serve. God gives me so many opportunities to minister, oftentimes I miss them but for now I am right where I want to be. Hope that you are feeling good about where you are in this journey through life. :)

I'm Home

I made it back to home this evening and it feels good. the conference was awesome and hopefully I have more tools to help those I work with. Brian possibly has a job in Columbus and that feels good and bad. Happy for him and somewhat sad that I won't see him that much. I am looking forward to getting back in the normal swing of things.....
For tonight I am tired and my mind is not working and I have no thoughts in my head......So for tonight I wish you all the love in the world...........

40 days almost over

Tonight is the last Monday night meeting of BJ's Buddies during this 40 days of community. And if that isn't depressing, then add to it that I am not able to be present tonight. I am in Columbus for work.
First of all this 40 days has been phenomenal. It has changed my life in so many ways. I have been challenged daily as I read the journal. I have experienced a new awareness of what being a servant really is. The books, videos and journals have truly helped me to grow as a christian.
Secondly, Bj's Buddies have personally changed mt life. These ladies are all different and most of us are not real comfortable in being in groups or being a "people person". But each has reached out of their comfort zone and thrived. We have served each other, our community and our church and yet we are left with a feeling of doing so little. As I reflect about these special ladies I think of Rose. She is a quiet, introspective, gentle lady and i get goosebumps hearing her read I Corinthians 13. Doris is always smiling and always willing to serve in any way needed. Janet is a busy lady but committed to this group. Becky is our "CEO", she gets things done. I am a dreamer and I can come up with all sorts of ideas and dreams but Becky cuts through everything and just gets things done and encourages us to do likewise, but in a very gentle way that feels like love. Sharon L has reached out and pitches right in to do more in an already busy life. Emily brings us back to focus by often saying what is truly important. Miss Vicki teaches us how to be real and have faith. Ann a special personal friend of mine, doesn't skip a beat but just enters into discussion and prayer like she has always known all of us. BJ is such a role model, and perfect hostess. Her home is always inviting and she goes the extra mile on everything. (She is also an excellent leader even thought she does not like the word "leader:. Ginger is a lady that I did not know really at all until this group and her wisdom and view on God and service truly opens my eyes. Jean has such a quiet demeanor and she just exudes charm and genuineness. Judy stays involved in our group and adds so much wisdom to us "buddies". Barbara is a very strong lady and has let us share in her accomplishment of graduation from college. Phyllis is one that shares and is truly honest with us. She encourages and updates us. Last but not least, is Sharon M. my co facilitator. See I am the one who usually talks and prods others to share their view. So I truly "facilitate" or get discussion going. But Sharon is the one that keeps track of cards to be sent, people to add to prayer list, etc. In fact she is the heart and soul of the group. I am a procrastinator and she keeps in on target and focused. I thank God for this wonderful group of ladies and all they mean to me. I am so excited about this group and where we go from here. I am truly convinced that there is nothing that this group of ladies can not do once they make up their minds.
As for being in Columbus, It is for a conference where I am learning better ways to help my clients. So it also is a blessing, because it enables me to serve others and get paid for it. I am staying with Lisa and Brian is with me, job hunting in Columbus. He has a job interview tomorrow. I am praying that he will be led to a job that will help to grow spiritually. Lisa is being the perfect hostess.
Karen called today and she had tests on her kidney completed today. So far it looks good but she goes back next Monday to get full results and also to talk about the blood count and make sure everything is alright. God is good. Pray for Casa as it is in a time of change.........

Mothers Day

Today I want to give thanks for my mother. She is in her 80's and looks and acts 60's. She always put us kids first and never left us at babysitters. If we couldn't go with her and Dad they didn't go. No one I know is a harder worker than my Mom. She Rocks!
I am blessed to be a mother to three fantastic children. God truly blessed me with my children. They amaze me continuously and are so talented. this is not talent from me. This is God given talent. They are kind and compassionate, intelligent and steady, loving and unselfish. Lisa, Karen and Brian make me proud to be their Mom. I am the one who feels indebted to them. They have taught me so many things. Today I was blessed to sit between Lisa and Brian at church and I wore Karen's "Jesus fish" ring to have her close. when I find myself missing Karen I think about how much she has given up to be a mom to children who truly feel like my blood grandchildren. I am so blessed. This year I have a new son, Dorian. I could not have picked a better son. God continues to bless me! And a daughter in my heart is Amanda Sue. I have watched her grow into a wonderful mother to her own and those she cares for. Her children also feel like my grandchildren. So while I do not presently have any biological grandchildren I have lots of grand children from my heart. So today is good, because I have Lisa, Karen, Dorian and Brian and then I have Amanda Sue, Adam, Taylor, Brennen and Payton. And I have Rudy, Brayan, Yovanni, Marvin, Pamela, Daniella, Mario, Fitto, Cindy Lou, Fernando, Monica, Francisco, Marjouri, Katy, and Antonio. Nothing makes my heart sing more than to hear Antonio voice on the phone saying "Hola Grandma Anita". I am so blessed. this mother's day is a celebration of riches.

sacrificing to serve

I like to think that I serve not well or often by I serve. But have I ever sacrificed to serve? No , only when it fits my schedule. I need to think about this and try to learn to sacrifice to serve.
On another note, right now a lot of my clients are having rough times right now and one died in a fire in her home.. they desperately need prayers and god's intervention.

this week has made me doubt it I can even make a difference.
there are so many hurting people and my heart breaks for them. I just pray that I can make some small part of healing in their lives. Tonight I have two of my children with me and they make me smile. I miss them when they are not here. It just feels right to have some hugs and good times with them.

My Baby

Today my baby is halfway through college. I am so proud of him. Seems just like yesterday that he was in Thursday school, looking cute and singing "wheels on the bus" . Then he was racing his pinewood derby racer and looking cuter in his cub scout shirt. Oh and the cowboy boots, those red cowboy boots that he wore with shorts and rode his horse on springs. And wasn't it last year that he played the sax and marched in the Barlow Fair parade. Then he had all that fun with our Mexican exchange student. And then he was old enough to watch baby Brennen for a few hours and made it through changing a dirty diaper. And about the week after that I was dropping him off at Harding.....and now a couple days later he is now half way through.
Brian is kind, sensitive and funny. And he is annoying and thoughtful and he is my baby. I still remember the shock of seeing him for the first time and being surprised by what appeared to be bright orange hair. And growing up when people would ask where he got the red hair from he learned to say from God. Well he is definitely a gift from God to me and I am glad that he is coming to give him momma some hugs...........

Humility

is the result of knowing who you are. That was my thought for today. Today I am feeling tired, and frustrated. I am getting overwhelmed at work and feeling ineffectual. But tomorrow will be a new day and I will realize that I can't save everyone, and continue to help those I can. God is good and I know that he is in control.

A long Day

I had BJ's Buddies last night and we had 14 ladies present. This is such an awesome group of ladies and they are teaching me so much. We are discussing ways to serve. We decided that to begin with we will give the two main restrooms (carport entrance) a makeover. Not just a cosmetic makeover but utility makeover also. We want to add elevated seats to one commode in each restroom. And we also want to add a "grab bar" to those stalls to assist those who may have physical difficulties. Also we are all bringing canned meats next week to give to the food pantry as we found out that there is a real need for that. We are also kicking around some sort of idea of serving meals/community dinner. I feel blessed to be a part of this group. I found out yesterday when I went to work that I was going to Columbus today for training, so after group, I went to bed knowing that I was getting up at 5am to leave for Columbus. So that is my excuse for not blogging yesterday.
This morning I got up needed to go to Marietta to get agency vehicle to drive to Columbus. I just got to Marietta and was on a city street when the truck shook and it felt like someone rammed me. I stopped and looked in rear view mirror and could see something on ground writhing around. It was still dark so could not see much. Well for a few seconds I was fearful that I had somehow actually hit a person. I went back and it was a deer lying in middle of street, bleeding profusely. I called the police and they told me that they would send someone to take care of the deer. I left there and went down street to get the agency vehicle. I drove the agency vehicle to where the lights shone on my truck. All I could see was a cracked grill around my right headlight. So off I was to Columbus. I drove very slowly and watched for any movement still rattled. The training was awesome with some national presenters. After the training, Lisa met me for supper and we ate at Max & Ermas, a Columbus landmark. It was really enjoyable getting to spend time with Lisa and just talking about anything and everything. I saw a plane coming into Columbus and thought of Karen....:( but the good news is that my baby is coming home the end of this week. Brian finishes up his second year of college on Thursday. I am so proud of him. So I drove back to home (and missed HOPE group) and when I got to the agency to get my truck I was surprised to see it in daylight. I think I know why I never saw the deer. It appears to have rammed my passenger door. I have several dents and deer hair everywhere. Even though I was rattled (and sad about the deer) I was so thankful that I was safe and my truck was drivable. God is good. He continues to protect me and I am so blessed. I was listening to the radio on the way home this evening and I was struck by the song I believe is my Rachael Lampa (I am terrible at who sings what) but the focus was.
"No more status quo, ....You make me want to be brave"
Those two sentences are where I am today. I am tired of status quo and God gives me the strength to be brave and pray earnestly, "use Me". I just kept singing those two lines over and over again. Tonight I pray that God will lead me in all the ways that will lead me to where I need to be. Gotta get some sleep as last night was a short night. (In the middle of the short night a transformer blew in the neighborhood and the dogs, barked and the transformer hummed loudly)

A Beautiful Day

It is hard to complain about the increasing prices of gasoline, food, etc. when you see those on fixed income having to do without needed items. And then I hear about Honduras and some fuel is simply not available. For today I am thankful that I am blessed and have so much. I pray for those who are going without and making decisions as to where their limited funds will go. This week in 40 days of community we are focusing on service projects within our congregation. Each life group is try to determine a way to meet a need of our church family. We will brainstorm this tomorrow to see where BJ's buddies are headed. This morning I spoke with an elderly lady that we are taking food to each week and we have visited. She told me that she needs no other work done, just visits. She told me that she could do without the food but not the visits. In our fast paced lives we seldom have time to sit down and wish for visitors while those around us are hungry for people to talk to. We do not have to come up with some huge ministry project that affects dozens of people, we just need to spend some time with a lonely lady.

Community

This forty days of community is supposed to be about reaching outside our church and inside also. This week has been a perfect example. Our group met Monday night and Tuesday fixed supper for our volunteer fire department weekly meeting. Thursday, several visited on their own and this morning we met to shampoo Sharon's Mom's carpets. Doing things together makes anything so much more enjoyable. We had three shampooers going and it did not take long to get it done. Then we got to eat together and share. Today is Rose's birthday and she had been sick all week and even missed Monday's group. Well after finishing shampooing we all went by Rose's and sang Happy Birthday to her and we also took her a bouquet of flowers (She didn't even complain that they were from her yard!) Rose showed us pictures that she has painted and she showed us probably 70-80- canvases that she has painted. They are all truly beautiful. I had no idea anyone I knew has that much talent. She had us all pick out one to take home. So this life group has helped us get to know each other. Rose is very talented and Becky is so wise and is a take charge lady. We appointed her CEO of BJ's Buddies today. We are forming relationships and having fun and most of all showing Christ's love to our community. Once again I can't wait for tomorrow's sermon and video to be inspired for the week. Brian will be done with college for the summer soon. I will be praying lots for him this week and his finals. He is still trying to figure out what he is going to do this summer.
Remember to love with Christ's love to ALL

Saturate

Here I am longing,
I can't stop this longing
For more of You in me.
Lost in this moment,
This beautiful moment
This prayer I sing to You.
I'm crying out to You
To change the way I think,
To steal away my pride
And make me new.

Saturate my life,
Fill every part of me with You
Drown me in Your love,
Let me lose myself in You.

Here I am longing,
I can't stop this longing
For more of You in me.
Lost in this moment,
This beautiful moment
This prayer I sing to You.
I gladly come to You,
I want no place to hide
I'm pouring out my heart
To give You room.

Saturate my life,
Fill every part of me with You
Drown me in Your love,
Let me lose myself in You.

Saturate my life,
Fill every part of me with You
Drown me in Your love,
Let me lose myself in You.

This song is my prayer and my wish.  I truly want to be saturated in His love. 
I really want every part of me filled with Him.  this song I have listened to 
all week and I just keep saying it over and over again in my head.  
It is my constant prayer

Putting Others First

Putting others first is about listening to someone with no thoughts of how to end the conversation or fix the problem. It is not correcting someone when they say something wrong. Putting others first is much more than letting someone go first, it means that you do not act on your wishes or wants but on the other person's. Hard stuff to do. But that is what I am trying to do. I need to correct yesterday's blog. I called Karen "Missy" not Missy Dorian. I will try to do better with my commas. I knew I was in trouble when all three children commented. Well I will try to watch my punctuation and even work on my grammar.
So for tonight I will try to truly on putting others first.

Teaching

We are all teachers of the faith. you do not have to sign up to teach sunday school, or be employed as a teacher. I am a teacher of the faith. wow that encompasses a lot of responsibility. You see I am not just teaching the faith on Monday nights Life group meetings, I am teaching when I am at work feeling lazy or when I am home complaining about how something is done. sometimes my teaching points others to the faith but I know that there are times that I am teaching against the faith. For this I seek forgiveness and try again. I want my life to be a light to others. I am feeling more comfortable saying, "use me". I can hardly wait to see where this journey leads me next. Today I am thankful that I have so many treasures that God has given me. I am thankful to have been so blessed with awesome family and friends. I am so thankful that my mess ups are covered and my sins forgiven. Tonight as I head to bed feeling very blessed, I want to tell my children that they are my greatest blessings; Lisa my princess, Karen otherwise known as Missy Dorian my new son and Brian B-boy Vaughan, you make me proud every day. I am so blessed to have you in my life. Continue to look to him and know that no matter how much I love you it pales to how much your heavenly father love you. Good night.

What a day...

I began my day sleepy and grumpy. Griswald, my Yorkie decided that he was not sleey last night and he was up down, barking, in my face until around 1:30 -2p. If I had the energy I could have just choked him on the spot. Then he settled down to sleep but was back at it at 5:30p. Not sure if we just left him alone too long yesterday or he ate something he shouldn't have and was hyper but I began the day with a headache and a deficit. As soon as I got to work it seemed to get worse. I already had a guardianship case before probate court where I had to testify and had an afterhours meeting at 6:30 this evening with family of a client. But then we found out that there was emergency situation with the grandma and three grandchildren, a case that we have worked on for over a year was coming to a head today as judge had ordered deputy to forcibly transport the lady to ER where the director of Mental Health was going to evaluate her. They had requested that we be present to assist if needed. Guess when it was scheduled? Yep, same exact bat time, same bat channel as the guardianship hearing. So went to hearing and guardianship was granted but I never feel good when it is necessary for a court to take someone's rights away from them. It was now quitting time and headed to the emergency situation. Decided that that lady that was being transported to ER was at least safe and hospital SW was called to assist. The grandma was very agitated and blamed us for wanting to take her grandchildren away. She has agreed to sign for the two youngest to go to respite care for 3-5 days but this situations just keeps getting worse and there is little that we can get done. Please pray that these children can find peace.
Maybe I should mention that tomorrow is the last day before retirement of a lady in our unit. Well I volunteered to get the ham this evening and cook it for tomorrow. Oh and BJ's Buddies is fixing dinner for the volunteer fireman tonight to show our appreciation. Yep, I volunteered to make baked spaghetti for 25. Well as the day progressed I had to ask for help. A coworker agreed to get the ham and Sharon agreed to bake and deliver the spaghetti (I made it last night)
So all I had left to do was meet with a family where the child was living off her elderly grandmother....pleasant it was not..........So now I am home and I am thankful that I am learning to ask God for guidance before every visit I make. I am asking to use His wisdom not mine. I pray for ALL involved before I meet them. and it is going well. See, I used to think I did all of this and my superior skills helped me assist people. Well, boy was I wrong. God has blessed me with abilities to reach out to others but it is only when I show His love that I can truly make a difference in people's lives.
I plan on going to bed early tonight and getting ready for Billie's retirement gala tomorrow. I just hope I can stay focused and keep realizing that I can do anything when He strengthens me, but I can't hardly do anything without Him.
The devo for today is about encouragement and how we have the power to kill or give life based on what we say to those around us. The last paragraph "May your conversation this week be peppered with phrases like: 'Ibelieve in you....', i'm grateful for you....', I see God using you.....,"and I'm glad you are in my life.' Be encouraged, there is good news of great joy for all people, and his name is Christ the Lord."
So I close by saying, Brian I believe in you, Sharon I'm grateful for you, Lisa, I see God using you and Karen I appreciate you. To all those in my life, be encouraged because there truly is good news and GREAT joy for all people. Be at peace............

I am tired....

but wanted to post. It is past my bedtime but wanted to jot down a couple thoughts. Patience, truthfulness and forgiveness are all huge. that was life group study tonight. It was a powerful bonding experience and God continues to bless us and use us. We are trying to quit being "plastic people" and it is scary and it is exciting. Pray that God will use this group to bring light to a dark world and his love to those who are unloved..........

Lisa

Met Lisa for lunch yesterday and she brought her friend Mikayla. Lisa volunteers for Big Brothers/Big Sisters and Mikayla is Lisa's little "sister". Enjoyed meeting Mikayla as she is a real sweetie. Will post a pic here of them meeting us for lunch at Bob Evans.

I love this

casting crown video, please watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grRnCSAzwuQ
How often have I been these plastic people, afraid to let others know about me. Smiling and pretending everything is ok. For today I will try to remain real and not hide who I am or what I feel. today I feel good, I am learning to trust God when I pray "use me". Please pray for BJ's Buddies that everyone that needs to be there will be there tomorrow evening and bless us who try to facilitate that we will be used by God. Help me to get my agenda out of the way and pray that God will be shown through us.

Saturday

"Never doubt that a group of concerned citizens can change the world, indeed that is the only thing that ever has"
Go for your dreams and don't give up. When you see injustice or need, seek the cure. And remember God can use you in ways you never imagined.
Can't wait for the sermon tomorrow continuing on in the 40 days of community. Not very many Saturday evenings do I find myself looking forward to the sermon the next morning. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Friday

I learned a valuable lesson today. Do not get between a grandmother and grandchild. I am talking about Sharon and Kaitlyn. Sharon was watering some flowers with hose and Kaitlyn was outside playing. I was inside ironing (I know that happens maybe twice a year). Kaitlyn came in and told me that Grandma was getting her wet and she could not get grandma back. I simply told her to be patient and keep trying. Shortly after that I heard Sharon scream and I thought that Kaitlyn must have dumped a bucket of water on Sharon. So I went to french door to check on her. Kaitlyn had ran just inside the door and as I asked Sharon what happened she let go with the hose through the screen full force. I got the breath knocked out of me :) It seems that Sharon though that I put Kaitlyn up to spraying her (Kaitlyn readily agreed when she thought she was in trouble). to think, for once I was innocent!
Today's devo is about being patient and how oftentimes if we stop to listen and understand then we have more patience. I needed patience after the water incident. Patience sometimes is easy and other times it is harder but it is so difficult to be patient continuously, no matter what. But that is how my heavenly Father is with me. Patient when I ask for forgiveness and do the same things time after time. My Father is patient when I start out the day pledging to stay focused on Him and by break time I have realized that I have lost my way and my focus. Patience is something that I need more of and more consistently.
Tonight I am tired but life is good. God is moving in my life in visible ways and it scares me and excites me.
Tonight dear Father I thank you for being patient with me through all my insanity. I thank you for blessing me with so many riches and treasures. I bring before you this lazy, doubting sporadic christian and ask boldly that you use me. Use me to bring you glory, to show your love to those I come in contact with. Use me to reach out to the world and be salt.

thursday

I keep messing up and hitting enter and it posts nothing. tonight was fun though. Six of BJ's Buddies met at Wendys and from there two went to visit two elderly persons and the rest went to a new widow's house to wash her windows. Some that did not make it to Wendys met us there. We made short work of the windows and had fun while we did it. Life is good and God is good, all the time. Please pray for the family of Grandmother and three children that hope can be found for them. Especially Casey, the middle child is weighing heavy on my heart.

Wednesday

I am having a hard time getting it through my head the concept of true acceptance and respect. I mean I think I accept people and respect people. But as I am delving into scripture and this study of community, I realize that I don't even come close. Because you see, I am commanded to accept and respect and yes love as our Father does. So can I look at God's family and not see their faults? Can I hold a hand of a friend who is going through the same struggle that she has gone through numerous times before without thinking "When will she learn?" Then I am reminded that I have screwed up so many, many times and my Father just keeps loving me with the same patience and same acceptance as if I did not screw up again. Am I loving like that? Not yet. But I am becoming aware that I am called to.
At life group the another night we discussed being able to say "Use me" and mean it. I truly think this is the first time in my life that I truly mean that and am asking daily for god to use me. I am more aware of opportunities now with this mind set. Oh I am still screwing up a lot and catching myself thinking this is not what I should be doing, saying etc. But I am aware of more that I need to be doing. I am aware and that is the first step. so pray that I will keep my awareness and move ot the next step.

Tuesday

tonight was HOPE group night. I feel miscombobulated about how it went. The topic was healthy love versus toxic love. But as we discussed incidents of where we had love expressed to us, a lot of other issues came up. A couple ladies were hurting tonight. It is so difficult to heal from an abusive childhood, or abusive marriage. I look at these ladies and see such strength and determination but they can not see it in themselves. The have such issues with guilt and low self esteem and do not believe in themselves. Tonight they were reaching out to each other which is good to see. One lady was urging another one on and you could see that she was realizing the truths for herself as well as the lady she was talking to.
Tonight I ask that our heavenly father surround them with His love and protect them from further hurts. May I be an instrument of His love to them.
Tonight my thought are on my children (I know, they are there every day) I bring them before His throne, asking that they be protected and surrounded by His love. Lisa, Karen, Dorian and Brian; you are the smile in my life.

Monday

Life group was good. One new lady was there tonight. A lot of good discussion and we seem to be settling in. God continues to amaze me in how he is working in our group. BJ had an excellent observation; We are all excited at this "new" event for us, but God is probably saying what took you so long? We discussed how important trust is to love. These ladies amaze me with their enthusiasm and willingness. I am so blessed by God and continue to ask him to use me............

Sunday

Bible class was good and sermon was awesome. Everything just seems to be working together. The group of ladies meeting on Monday's known as Bj's buddies are a diverse group. Most of us are solitary people and we all seem to be doing ok with this group thing. Everyone is excited and ready for the next meeting. It is so evident that God is in control. I just hope we can continue to focus on him and not us. Pray that we will continue to reach out to our community, in the church and out. This is a busy week coming up, I hope I can do all I do this week remembering that I am that ambassador of Christ............
To my babies; I love you and I miss you. I wish I could sit down and talk to each of you for hours. Have a good week and stay focused.....I'll love you for always, I'll love forever, as long as I'm living, my babies you'll be. :)

Saturday

We are a representative of Christ. Kinda scary? it is to me. Everything I do, I do it as a representative of Christ. Oh I can behave and say and do the right things when I am thinking about it, but always? No for me, for far too long, being a representative of Christ has been something to concentrate on at times. Not that other times I live badly or have no regard for things of God. But I can't imagine that I act like an ambassador of Christ daily. There are many times when I would be ashamed to realize that I am what the world sees as Christ. Wow! I will work on that this next week and try to keep in mind moment by moment that I am Christ's ambassador.
this morning BJ's buddies cleaned a basement for an elderly gentleman suffering with cancer. This basement had not been cleaned in several years and it was a lot of hard work but I truly had fun. These ladies know how to work. I am tired and lazy tonight but I feel good that we helped someone and had fun. I got word this afternoon that the lady client passed away. Hopefully she is at peace now. After cleaning the basement, Sharon and I went to her mother's and installed a ceiling fan. Good news, it is up and it works.........Given enough time and enough instructions we can master just about anything.
Sitting here thinking about the day and knowing that I am so blessed. god has blessed me with riches and riches and I want to start using those things to serve God.