Joy

Does joy come from within or outside? Are you filled with joy because of what you have or what you are? Is joy the same as happiness?

My Crazy Life

Life is crazy right now but God is control. Thinking about love. Is love an action, an emotion or thought? Can you "love" someone without being with them? I mean can you love someone you read about or do you need to have contact and interaction? When do you feel love?
If God is love why do a lot of Christians seem to be lacking in love? And to be precise, why do I profess to love God but love only at times, in some situations with some people?
Tonight I ask that my heavenly Father surround me with wisdom and insight to love and assist those that I come in contact with daily and I don't mean Griswald, although I do need to love him better or at least, less sporadically.

Tonight

I am sad. I feel like I have lost part of my family. The five brothers at Casa were taken home by their mother and father today. While I know families need to be together..........For me this means no more watching yovanni lining up his toys and keeping them just so so. No more Marvin in my face yelling at the top of his lungs and sticking his tongue out.......No more sitting in the hallway with Mario trying to calm him down after an outburst of rage and no more seeing Mr Cutie; Francisco flash those beautiful dimples. But what I will miss most of all is no more times will I answer the phone and hear those sweet words, "Hola grandma 'nita" He wont be calling me to tell me how cute he is now that he has his hair cut or reminding me to bring candy the next time I come to visit. I can not even imagine how difficult today was for Karen, Jen and Ashley. And the boys, what are they to think? Antonio knows his mother as someone he sees once a month. I am trying not to be selfish but it is hard.
I pray dear Father that the lessons that these sweet boys learned at Casa stay with them. The morning devotionals, the prayers and the "I love you's" I pray that they never forget these. I pray that their parents realize what treasures they have in their family and treat them with kindness and gentleness. I pray that sometime in the future when Antonio hears a plane and looks up and says Grandma 'nita that he smiles because this heart is smiling through the tears and thanking God for letting me see the beauty of these five boys.

A Senior Moment

I have been behind at work and this morning as I was getting ready I figured that I would be in the office getting paper work caught up so I wore jeans, crocs and big comfy shirt. Well when I arrived at work, I looked by my calendar and saw that I was supposed to give an inservice at a local home nursing and hospice at 8:30am. To say that I was not dressed appropriately, is to put it mildly. So after admitting my mistake to my supervisor and kicking myself a dozen times I called the agency to let them know that I would like to reschedule. They told me that they too were thinking about rescheduling their meeting but since I was scheduled they didn't. Well I am going to try to go tomorrow morning . I was shocked that I could forget something so important, but you know I mess up a lot. A verse in Romans 5 in The Message sums it up. It says that if I work hard and get paid I earn my wages, but if I work but know that I can not do my job no matter how long or how hard I work without God then my pay is a gift. That is me. I could not do my job without God's constant assistance. Pray that I will remember to dress for my meeting tomorrow morning and that God will continue to put words of wisdom in me when I let Him have control of my life. And come payday I will receive another gift.

Love

"I have found

the paradox

that if I love until it hurts,

then there is no hurt,

but only more love."

Mother Teresa

Memorial Day

It is a holiday that invokes images of "taps" being played at a graveside ceremony. Somewhat sad feelings. I am not one to spend time at graveyards but I do spend a lot of time thinking of those loved ones who are gone. First of all I think of the kids maternal grandmother; Hattie Marie. She was a very great lady. I never heard her say anything negative about anyone, ever. How many people can you say that about? She was a perfect grandmother and indulged Lisa with anything and everything but mostly her time. She liked to buy matching outfits for Lisa and Karen. I remember when it was certain that she was not going to survive her battle with cancer she only stated that she was sorry that she would not be able to see her grandchildren grow up. she passed away on September 29th but on Lisa's first day of kindergarten, the first of September, even though she was barely able to talk, she called to see how Lisa's first day had gone. When I see Lisa being creative, sewing or baking I think she got some of this from her grandma Vaughan and the rest from my sister. She was not only a mother in law but a best friend.
It is still hard to talk about my Dad. It seems like only yesterday that he would bring me home a jelly sandwich in his lunchbox. I didn't even like jelly sandwiches but after he carried it around all day, it was delicious. It seems like most of my childhood I remember waiting for Dad to come home from work, and wanting to carry in his lunchbox. I miss him so much but know he would not have wanted to hang around with his health failing. Dad told us that he wished he had a role model as a father. His father died when he was 8 months old. But Dad was always gentle, never loud or mouthy and he too never had much bad to say about anyone. He was a survivor and touch. One of my proudest moments was when he got his GED. He only had an eighth grad education but he was wise. Another proud moments was when he quit smoking. What a strong man. The pain is still right up front and singing to him as he was unhooked from the ventilator and feeling him leave us. Today I honor these kind mentors that have gone on before me, teaching me so much. Thank you God for these gifts...........

today

as I sit and rest this evening I have watched our baby birds. You see a robin built a nest in a bathroom window. We worried about her intellect in building a nest so close to where three cats lounge. It has been fun and exciting to see the four eggs and then four little ones. Each day they seem to double in size. It appears that both the father and mother feed them. At least there is more than one robin helping with them. She will bring them worms and as soon as they hear her approaching, they perk up with beaks pointing upwards to be fed. They are getting quite large by now and I wonder how they still fit in the small nest. As I am sitting on porch I have realized that the two of our cats, Gizzie and Patrick Squishy (yes he has a middle name) have realized that they are in the window. They keep trying to sit underneath the nest hoping one will fall out. I have scolded them and ran them off so many times but they are intent on their prey. The mother will not fly down from the tree with worms as long as the cats are nearby. But the babies hear their mother and start bobbling when she is in tree waiting to feed them. I am so afraid that they will fall out of nest trying to get to the their mother. I want to put up some sort of netting or something to catch them when they start to learn to fly....:) I know that my cats will get them the first time they fail and hit the ground. I remember last spring, chasing the cats away from babys, hopping across the lawn.
But I have watched these be hatched from eggs and grow daily. I haven't named them but I would know if one was missing. I know that there is little chance of them surving. I see the danger before them and want to tell them not to fall, or somehow warn them. As I was sitting here wandering how I can prevent the inevitable, it hit me.
How many times has my heavenly Father sat by watching me ready to enter danger and wanting to put up a safety net for me? Instead he lets nature take its course and trusts that I will learn from failings. It is anxious for me to watch these birdies get ready to leave the nest and face certain death and I wonder how often I do the same thing with my Father and cause him grief because I have not made smart decisions?